The Trouble with Labels

By Denise Lai, BA, BSocSc (Hons), MEd
This article was first published in Junior magazine, Volume 2.

"Fatty Born-Born!"
"Aiyoh! So stupid one, ah!?"
"Bugs Bunny! Your teeth like Bugs Bunny!"

Anyone who has spent time with children would have noticed very quickly their taste for disgusting noises, funny names and silly games. In my dealings with them, I try as much as possible not to reinforce these likes, particularly when they relate to name-calling. Childhood labels are often regarded as harmless and funny but, these days, a negative label is taken more seriously by parents, educators and psychologists. And it is especially discouraging to occasionally meet a parent with a loose tongue.

These parents carelessly throw words around, directed not only towards their own children but at other people as well. "That lady is so ugly", "that boy is so naughty", "you are so lazy". While it is true that some of these labels are viewed as terms of affection, as in the Cantonese "fei zai" (fat son), the parallel fact of the matter is that labels usually lead to troubles; problems which I have had the unfortunate chance of witnessing all too frequently.

These problems are evident in both the person who does the labelling and the person who is labelled. A vicious cycle develops and a label can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. A child who is called troublesome will become troublesome. But why? And how?

Trouble #1 - Verdict Unaltered

In our busy, competitive world, people form impressions and jump to conclusions all too quickly. A single incident is often all that is needed to determine outcome; for example, a failed school examination. And sadly enough, once a judgement is passed, it is quite resistant to change.

Psychologists have observed that human beings do not accurately perceive reality. Rather, they describe what they expect, even to the point of reconstructing their memories to fit the belief.

Say, for example, little Derek is regarded as a monster at home. His mother trips off down to his school and recounts to the teacher all the naughty things that Derek has done and probably will do. During class that day, Derek accidentally upsets his pencil case. Erasers, pencils and game cards fly off in 10 different directions. The lesson has to be temporarily halted for Derek to regain his possessions. Angrily, the teacher punishes him.

Her suspicions are confirmed when she catches sight of Derek's embarrassed smile - it was a deliberate prank! At the end of the day, the teacher tells Derek's mother that "he did nothing the whole day except play the fool", even though the poor boy has completed all his assignments and also helped another teacher rearrange the books on the shelves.

Trouble #2 - Unfair Stigmas

Derek's mother now has another person's confirming evidence of her son's premature delinquency. She comes to the conclusion that he must be reined in firmly and so denies him his afternoon cartoons. Derek is made to sit behind his desk to fill up worksheets. By the fifth page, he is asleep. His mother enters...

I doubt if it is necessary for me to prolong the story. The reader's mind would have already jumped to the dreadful scene - mother enters, mother scolds, mother punishes, mother tells father.

The crucial issue here, however, is whether Derek would have fallen asleep if he had been allowed to rest a while with his cartoons; or whether the more balanced treatment of "you do two pages and then you can watch" would have kept him awake and diligent. Labels inevitably influence behaviour.

The person who is labelling has a biased perspective and so acts in a way that brings about the very behaviour she is expecting. Allow me to give another example from my experience as a teacher.

I realised one day that I had "favourites", even though I had consciously set out to treat each student equally. The favouritism was obvious in my behaviours and stemmed from distorted thoughts. When I thought a child was smart, I saw mistakes as a learning process. When I thought a child was not, mistakes were intentional ploys to irritate me. Subsequently, I was more encouraging towards the "brighter" pupils and harsher towards the "slower" ones.

I spent more time and effort explaining solutions to the former group. Consequently, they always knew more and performed better. It jolted me when I eventually recognised the larger and larger gulf I was creating between the two types. It was a good lesson learned about the dangers of labelling.

Trouble #3 - On Expectations

A child is not a feeble-minded creature. He easily senses the attitudes and feelings of those adults around him, particularly significant adults like his parents. From very early on, the child adopts his parents' standards and expectations to make them his own.

Research has shown that when a person fails to live up to another person's expectations, the feelings experienced include shame and embarrassment. When a person fails to meet personal ideals, disappointment, dissatisfaction and frustration set in.

Labels succeed in conveying social values, although in a roundabout manner. They can never be neutral observations. Tell a young girl she is ugly and the other end of the scale (that is, prettiness) is glorified. The girl is thus indirectly made aware of the view that she is a failure where beauty is concerned. This could set the stage for poor self-esteem and its consequent problems such as anxiety or hostility.

Trouble #4 - Self-esteem chips away

The girl also now believes herself to be ugly. From this time on, she will probably be more irrational, more sensitive to incidents or comments that confirm this self-concept. "They do not want to play with me because I am ugly." "Aunty Molly said my hair is too long."

In addition, she will tend to remember these events better and bring them to mind more easily and frequently. "That man was staring at me." "I must have looked terrible." "I need to cut my hair." "People tell me I look like a horse when my hair is too long."

People with low self-esteem also display behaviour problems that some call "defence mechanisms". These may be defined as attempts to enhance the ego.

I know a seven-year-old boy whose mother continuously labels as a "poor student". This boy is almost unbearable in the classroom. He constantly puts the other children down, for example, by taunting them when they cannot read a particular word. Ask the boy to read that same word and he struggles in red-faced silence.

At first, I was tempted to tell him off for his unjustified arrogance, until I heard his mother one day! She was complaining to all within hearing distance of his stupidity and dim-wittedness. It then became clear to me that the child was suffering from a classic inferiority complex. By behaving the way he did, that is, by regarding other children as inferior, he was unconsciously trying to boost his own feelings of personal self-worth.

Different children use different strategies to alleviate the stress of a label. Some may withdraw into a fantasy world. Others may take on an independent "don't care" attitude. All, however, have felt the sting of being classified a certain something.

From Labelling to Loving

Regardless of whether a label is true or not, therefore, using it on a child opens a Pandora's box of sorrows. This happens even if the label is conveyed with "good" intentions. "It was just a joke!" "Well, she ought to know she shouldn't eat too much!"

And, so, in the final analysis, labels, especially the negative ones, must be done away with. There is perhaps no more convenient way to scold a child than by verbally typecasting him. There is, on the other hand, no better way to build confidence, integrity and a host of other positive virtues than through positive verbal encouragement.

If you have found the information in this article useful, please pass it on to your friends.

For information on the child development programmes run by Wee Care's Preschool and Early Education Centre, as well as the Centre for Early Intervention and Rehabilitation, please visit our website at www.weecare.com.sg.