A World of Differences
You can raise "colour-blind" children by teaching them the meaning of racial tolerance and understanding.

By Denise Lai, BA, BSocSc (Hons), MEd
This article was first published in Junior magazine in January 1997.

Unless you have been a victim of racial prejudice, you would not be as concerned about issue as you probably should. That my opinion, at any rate, and it stems, from personal experience. Having grown up as a Chinese in Chinese-dominated Singapore, it came as a rude shock to me to be the all-too-frequent butt of discrimination during the one year I spent overseas recently.

Of all the emotions and thoughts that usually accompany a racist incident, it annoyed and upset me the most that a person could act in such a negative and offensive way towards a fellow human being. I mean, did the colour of my skin, the manner in which I spoke or the way in which I dressed indicate some gross wickedness on my part? Had there been any effort at all to get to know me, or, at least, to reflect on the fact that the blood which coursed through my veins was as red as theirs and that I had the same capacity to feel as well?

Sadly, no, and to my utter dismay, I realised on my return to Singapore that much of what had happened to me abroad was occurring here as well! Now, before I am accused of being either a prude or an instigator of national discontent, allow me to elaborate.

Racial Harmony In Singapore

Firstly, the tendency for humans to like those who are similar, as opposed to those who are not, is a strong and probably very gutteral instinct. Secondly, in comparison to other countries where there are hardly institutional scaffolds (such as integrated schooling) to uphold racial equality, Singapore scores highly on harmonious living already.

The point that I am trying to make however, is this: we could all, as individuals, be less prejudiced and more sensitive towards others of a different race tomorrow, that we currently are today.

And the benefits of this should be obvious. Apart from social peace, one might discover a good friend. As it is, a Malay colleague of mine has become a wonderful shoulder to cry on (or rather, complain on!) upon in recent months. Moreover, the person who is relaxed with other racial groups would be less likely to experience fear or discomfort in other social settings. A friend of mine told me of her observation that there are still people who pinch their noses when a dark-skinned person sits next to them on a public bus, even though there is nothing to warrant that behaviour. I have also witnessed, on numerous occasions, children who panic and scream their lungs out when they discover that their teacher-to-be is from a minority group. At other times, these children fear to go anywhere near a building site because someone has told them that the "black man (or some other term) will eat/catch/hurt you".

I do not know about others, but frankly, I am declined to pity these children than laugh at their paranoia. Surely the anxiety, dread and suspicion must be a heavy load for such young ones to shoulder. They are the stuff of what nightmares are made of! What is more, I wonder whether such scare tactics do not translate themselves into harmful playground teasing - the sort that can lead to physical scuffles in childhood and cruel, bigoted behaviour in adulthood.

Discrimination Undermines Confidence

Importantly, too, there is much to be said about how discrimination is, ethically and morally wrong; primarily because it so easily destroys the receiving party's sense of well-being and self-esteem. And when these are undermined furthermore, the very basis for emotional health and stability is also. Personally, I would hate to discover that a person's depression or some other psychological problem was the result of something that I had done or said, unwittingly or otherwise!

Do not misunderstand though. I am not advocating that we become extremely liberal with no cultural practices, religious beliefs or attitudes of our own. Rather, there is a distinction to be made between acceptance and tolerance. Whilst I may not accept a certain dietary or aesthetic custom as my own (for example, being a vegetarian or having an earring in my nose), I would, on the other hand, tolerate its practice by people who see value in it. A word which could be used as a substitute for "tolerate," is "respect." Respecting and tolerating would involve not taunting, teasing, excluding and ignoring someone of a different race.

The Heart of the Matter

How then, can a child learn what it means to respect the beliefs and habits of another racial group without losing an understanding and love for the conventions of his or her own? For one, as a Sikh friend of mine pointed out, children should be taught that a person of another race is different, yet normal. In other words, the person may look, dress, eat and pray differently, but still retain the characteristics which distinguish him as a valuable human being. The heart, after all, is what counts, since that is clearly the seat of good or evil behaviour.

To look at it from another perspective, good and not-so-good actions can be seen across the entire spectrum of human individuals, regardless of race and cultural grouping. The reason why a person from an ethnic minority is frequently singled out as a kind of 'scapegoat' is simple. They are less common and therefore more distinctive; and once a stereotype is formed, psychologists have discovered that it is extremely resistant to change. They believe that three types of learning are usually at work. They are classical conditioning, operant learning and modelling.

In classical conditioning, a neutral object is paired so frequently with an undesirable one that it elicits repulsive reactions also. In other words, if a mother meets people with turbans with a great deal of alarm or disgust, the baby in her arms will start to associate such individuals with negative felings as well.

Operant learning on the other hand, is a little more apparent. Here, a system of rewards or punishment leads to an increase or decrease in a specific behaviour. As such, if daddy laughs when five-year-old Tommy calls a Chinese person a 'chink' and slapped him when he once approached Caucasian children in the supermarket, Tommy is soon likely to call all Chinese 'chinks' and avoid all Causasians at any place or time.

Finally, modelling is observational learning. Children are experts at imitation (or have you not noticed?!). If mummy calls foreign domestic workers 'useless', 'dishonest' or 'lazy', her daughter Beatrice will probably think that true and do the same in time to come. Even subtle cues are all that are necessary. A picture, it has been said, speaks a thousand words and Daddy's frown at that lady in the sarong can propagate more prejudice in his offspring than one might initially imagine.

Racial tolerance therefore, needs to be taught as much as Mathematics or Physics. And it is learnt on many levels; emotional, behavioural, facial...! The key to raising children who can relate to people from different walks and ways of life then, is basic: parents need to examine themselves first. The actions they subsequently take to a healthy and balanced appreciation of the diversity of mankind will serve as an example to their children and racial understanding, tolerance and appreciation will come naturally thereafter.

If you have found the information in this article useful, please pass it on to your friends.

The Wee Care Baby Institute and Early Education and Preschool Centre provides programmes that encourage the development of early Emotional Intelligence (EQ) skills in young children aged 0-24mo and 2-6yo respectively. For more information, please visit our website at www.weecare.com.sg.