Body Talk
Body exploration in little children

By Denise Lai, BA, BSocSc (Hons), MEd
This article was first published in Motherhood magazine in May 1996.

Do you remember the times when you were a child playing Blind Man's Bluff? Well, I do. In particular, I remember how it was always fun to try and guess the identity of the person who had been caught by feeling his or her facial features. Not infrequently, the person would dissolve into peels of ticklish laughter before a name could even be ventured. When the person was more resistant however, and did not give the game away quite so easily by the sound of his or her voice, things for 'blind man' would become a little more challenging. Invariable though, a distinguishing characteristic would always be present; bushy eyebrows, thin ups, a flat nose or a sharp chin!

It is amazing how our sense of touch enables us to acquire information. For those who have lost their sense of sight, touch compensates to a significant degree. It has been noted too how young children, including babies, use their sense of touch as a means of learning. Mothers, for instance, are regularly instructed by experts in child development to hand their children objects of different textures, shapes and sizes. When explored, felt and played with, these objects offer the child sensory stimulation. They build on a child's early understanding of the world, and lead to the formation of important cognitive concepts (for example: smooth-rough, square-round, big-small).

Some parents however, react negatively when their children's explorations turn in onto themselves or onto others. They forbid their children from observing or touching parts of the human body, especially those which are considered 'private' or sexual in nature. Now, while there may be very good reasons for this (such as the religion), two important facts should be kept in mind. Children explore the human body for many different motivations. Their interests are also not confined to genitalia only.

For one, children need to find out about who they are and who people are in relation to them. They need to build a concept of self versus a concept of others. To do this, they have to learn about the various aspects of being human, one of which is possessing a physical body. Parents therefore, may notice that their infants reach out to touch them on the face periodically. More importantly, they may then observe the child turning back to feel for the exact same spot on his face.

Andrea, a friend of mine, told me how her two-year-old daughter, Katy, gained body awareness - slowly but surely. "From the age of nine months, Katy would grab a person's nose and then hold on to it without letting go. She would put her fingers into my mouth and want to look at my teeth and tongue. Now, Katy loves to check babies. She wants to see their hands, their legs, their faces and ears. She wants to make sure that everything is there, just like on her own body."

Interestingly enough, Katy is now interested in the hair on her father's chest, according to Andrea. And she is also curious about how she differs from her brothers, just as her brothers are inquiring of her bodily differences. As Andrea put it quaintly, "For Katy, she looks at her brothers and then she looks at herself and… Hang on, something's missing! For the boys, they look at Katy and then complain to me, "She doesn't have a pee-pee, Mom!" "

Apart from learning about how the sexes differ in the body, children also need to know how they are similar to others of the same gender. This is one of the crucial pieces of information which must be included in the child's self-concept for it facilitates the child's growth into maturity and some might add, sexual normality. As such, while Andrea's sons want to shave like Dad, Katy wants to be like Andrea by putting perfume on. "She knows," says Andrea, "that she looks like me."

Notwithstanding these facts, children do engage in body explorations for the pleasure they give. Now before you shut this page in disgust, allow me to add: these occasions of touching and feeling can aptly be described as 'innocent'. One of Andrea's sons for example, likes to play with his belly-button because he insists that "it's ticklish!" Babies too (about 35% in one study) have been observed to play with their genitals and many adults, I believe, would be extremely reluctant to associate this with words like 'lust' or 'passion'! Rather, the behaviour indicates, I think, that the child's nerve-endings are in perfect working condition! In fact, it is a habit in some cultures for mothers to pull at their infant-sons' penises in order to calm them down or lull them to sleep!

Whatever superstition dictates, a child who touches his sexual areas will not experience stunted growth, either physically or mentally, now or in the future. Mothers who worry excessively about the behaviour may not only cause themselves harm, they may create a problem for the child where there need not have been one in the first place. An attitude of harsh suppression such as physical punishment for instance, is only likely to succeed in driving the behaviour underground (when Mummy's not looking). In worse scenarios, it may result in sexual dysfunction such as frigidity in adulthood.

Of course, this is not to say that parents should give wanton license to such play. They can however, take two courses of action. One is to provide the child with adequate stimulation and attention in other aspects of life (like rough-and-tumble play or reading a story with him). It has been noted that children who obtain sufficient amounts of such excitement and experiences do not focus on genital-touching as a frequent form of entertainment. Secondly, parents should allow the child a reasonable measure of freedom to explore his own body without unintentionally making "a big deal" of it. They may unwittingly reinforce the behaviour to occur again with any obvious shows of shock or displeasure. Some children (mischievous ones) love eliciting reactions.

A third reason why children engage in body explorations during the growing years is a very simple one really. They want to feel the warmth, closeness and security of another human being. Many mothers report for example, that their babies touch their breasts while they are nursing them. A friend, Lina, likened her son's action to "holding a bottle... with both hands clasping." Some children on the other hand, grab their parents' necks, shoulders or arms as a way of saying "hug me" or "carry me". My little cousin, when she was about a year old, used to pull at my aunt's hair, much to her chagrin. The alternative unfortunately, was having Anna rub her hands all over my carefully made-up face instead!

Finally, children who reach out to touch themselves or others may only be practising their visual, gross-and fine-motor skills. At the age of two to three months for instance, babies begin to take swipes at objects placed in front of them. This is an important early step towards learning to coordinate their hand movements with what their eyes see. Towards the end of the first year of life, babies seem to "discover" their own hands. They may spend a considerable amount of time studying their fingers. They may amuse themselves by twining their fingers into each other. It is a fairly regular sight as well to see babies stuffing their own hands into their mouths. This is normal behaviour for a particular stage of development where the mouth takes precedence over the hands as a mode of exploration.

The reality then, is that babies have an inborn compulsion to explore the world around them, be it the environment or a human body, be it with their hands, their feet or even, their mouths. That these explorations are healthy and normal should prod parents into accepting them. Under certain conditions, parents could also encourage them. You know, it seems almost pathological if these body explorations do not take place!

If you have found the information in this article useful, please pass it on to your friends.

Wee Care's Baby Institute runs both home and centre-based programmes for infants and toddlers aged 0-24mo. For more information, please visit our website at www.weecare.com.sg.