Labour: An Enjoyable Experience?

By Denise Lai, BA, BSocSc (Hons), MEd
This article was first published in Motherhood magazine in August 1996.

Putting pen to paper after the birth of your baby is not only a good way to 'relive' the experience, but also to preserve it for other family members - and for your baby to read when he grows up. Denise shares with us her experience after giving birth to her elder daughter, Faith Christine.

Labour must be one of the most positive experiences in woman's life. But I say that of course, in retrospect. If you ask my husband, who was with me through the entire process of delivering our first-born daughter what I was like through it all, he might snigger and remind me of a few less pleasant details. And admittedly, I was not a quiet stoic towards the end. How any woman can grit her teeth and bear that pain without a whimper is beyond my comprehension.

There are, however, other aspects to labour aside from the pain. When I mentioned this to some of my single girlfriends a few weeks ago, their reactions were one of incredulous disbelief. "Like what?" they echoed unanimously.

Well, for one, I must admit that I enjoyed the discipline of coping with each contraction. The act of breathing in and out rhythmically, of keeping count of the "in, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4" momentum, was satisfying; primarily because it gave me a strong sense of control. It made me feel like I was on top of things.

My intellectual curiosity moreover, was satisfied to see that my womb was behaving as the books had said it would. It helped a great deal, certainly, to have a patient midwife by my side as soon as I entered active labour. Her answers to my queries (and I had many!) kept me fascinated. I became adept at reading the CTG machine. I was also prepared psychologically for when my obstetrician planned to break my water-bag. "The contractions will get intense to allow your cervix to dilate at a faster rate," she warned.

In addition to the midwife's expertise, I found the company of my husband a considerable blessing. Maybe it is because I always enjoy being with him, but his presence was, to me, a comforting assurance. Having a close, sympathetic friend to speak to in the wee hours of the morning certainly helped to alleviate the fear and anxiety that sometimes threatened to overwhelm me. Also, because labour can be an isolating experience (you are, after all, the only one feeling the pain at that particular point in time), it was good to have him around sharing the highs and lows of my body's workings. Regularly, he would encourage me with words such as "Okay, the machine says the contraction's ending. Keep it up, darling." I like to think moreover, that his participation in our daughter's birth has helped to cement our relationship further. As Becky, a good friend, remarked, "It's the most intimate thing to happen in a marriage."

I accept, of course, that other women may feel differently. Not all 'like' their husbands very much during labour. Nancy, a friend of mine who gave birth a month before I did, found herself snapping at her husband whenever he tried to motivate her. "Shut up," she told him eventually, "I know what to do."

These women however, may find that they enjoy the other plus points to labour. Karen, a mother of four children, told me that it never ceases to amaze her how "natural" the whole manner of giving birth is. And without a doubt, it makes one feel as biologically female as is possible! Liana, the midwife who conducted the antenatal course I attended, had this to say: 'I did not want to deny myself what only a woman can experience, even though I knew that an epidural was just a request away." As for myself, although I did ask for the anaesthesia during the last stage, I am glad now that the doctor turned me down. I had dilated fully already and the task of pushing was the subsequent challenge. By gosh, the sensations of being stretched, of mustering what little might I felt I possessed, were indescribable. Two months down the road and the memory of that moment still leaves me awed!

The most fulfilling outcome of labour however, must be the child who is born at the end of it all. How often I have heard women say that it was the thought of their baby's imminent arrival which kept them persevering and hopeful! "I knew it would be well worth the pain," says Annie, a lady I met in the antenatal course, "and my expectations were not let down."

Without sounding pompous, a woman feels a great sense of accomplishment after a successful delivery. And it may not be far-fetched to state that having a baby can, generally' be beneficial to a woman's long-term emotional well-being. The, trick to this however, is to enter labour with as few expectations as possible. I was told that in certain European countries, a woman is frequently made to feel like a failure if artificial methods are employed to assist her in the birthing process. This would include the use of the forceps and the Ventouse pump, let alone a Caesarean operation.

In my view, this is unfortunate. Labour is a good deal of hard work in itself without an additional load of emotional baggage to bear. The woman who wants to enjoy her labour as much as it allows her to should be aware of the demanding expectations thrown her way by society, relatives, friends and even, herself. Mind you, this is not to say that she cannot try for the best - say, all natural - but that being realistic is the best and most healthy perspective to take prior to and after the event.

I would also recommend that women facing their first delivery attend antenatal classes in the last trimester of their pregnancy. The reasons for this are many. These classes, firstly, put the lady in touch with other woman in the same situation. My husband and I had lunch with a dear couple we met at the hospital a few days ago and the four of us agreed that we only feel comfortable around people with babies nowadays! After all, who else but a fellow sufferer can empathise with infant wind and sleeplessness?! More importantly however, although this may be a cruel thing to say, knowing about how another woman's labour went can often make you count your blessings. The length of time it took me to push my daughter out for instance (20 minutes), was a great deal less than the one or two hours that some women have to endure. On the other hand, the fact that I was in hospital for about 21 hours before Faith Christine was born may cause you to heave a big sigh of relief at the speediness of your own labour.

Finally, I am convinced that the pros outweigh the cons when a woman has an informed mind. In antenatal class for example, I learnt that early contractions are widely spaced and not very painful. Furthermore, there is no pain whatsoever in the periods between contractions. Armed with this knowledge, I was thus able to relax through the 10 or so hours before labour grew fierce. Would you believe, I also managed to enjoy the scenery outside my hospital window?

I dare not sound flippant but there really is much to be grateful for during labour. I am not discounting the pain (for how could anyone?), but the event is more than one-dimensional. It is true moreover, what the Christian scriptures say about the temporary nature of the pain. It does end, and the joy which the child brings quickly replaces whatever bad memories may persist and linger. Obviously then, the question is rhetorical now why some women choose to go through labour more than once in a lifetime! I will let you know when it is the second time round for me!

If you have found the information in this article useful, please pass it on to your friends.

The Wee Care Baby Institute runs a Post-Natal Home Visit Programme for children aged 0-6mo. For more information, please visit our website at www.weecare.com.sg.